Hotwife and Swinger Fun!

Life  

secret_lade 47F
11525 posts
5/16/2021 4:51 am
Life


You know the feeling you get...

When the tears spring to your eyes as you bite your lip in the same spot for the 9 millionth time...

And you say to yourself, why in the FUCK do I keep doing this to myself??

That seems to be my life these days.

Constantly revisiting all those sore spots and reopening those wounds.

I saw the Hippie last weekend when I was in Petoskey....

I reopened that wound.

I had been feeling nostalgic, the 10 year anniversary of the first time we met was coming up and I just needed to talk.

We'd had lunch and it was like old times.... talking and laughing.

Also like old times were the conspiracy laden angry texts afterward about how much he hates his family, the world, and the end of life as we know it.

Just like that, those tears sprang to my eyes as I bit my lip in the exact same spot for the 9 millionth time.

Oh My Fucking God! Why do I keep doing this to myself??

I'm a horrible, rotten person to boot cause I revisited that old, bad situation and pulled off that scab for someone else as well.

secret_lade 47F
7274 posts
6/9/2021 2:28 am

    Quoting Jules1590:
    Ugh... sorry, didn't see the date on this post. Hope you've moved on and are doing better!
It's ok. I have moved on.


Jules1590 52F
7572 posts
6/7/2021 5:38 pm

    Quoting Jules1590:
    Try not to beat yourself up over it. Many of us have a hard time letting go of a person who made us feel good and who we enjoy being with (especially if nothing else is going on in your world) Its easy to go back. But eventually all the reasons why you split come surging back with a vengeance. Shrug it off, hit the reset button and get back to moving Forward. You've got this.
Ugh... sorry, didn't see the date on this post. Hope you've moved on and are doing better!


Jules1590 52F
7572 posts
6/7/2021 5:37 pm

Try not to beat yourself up over it. Many of us have a hard time letting go of a person who made us feel good and who we enjoy being with (especially if nothing else is going on in your world) Its easy to go back. But eventually all the reasons why you split come surging back with a vengeance. Shrug it off, hit the reset button and get back to moving Forward. You've got this.


secret_lade 47F
7274 posts
5/17/2021 5:02 pm

    Quoting sweet0necter:
    I have a friend who tells me to stop being such a dipshit.. that doesn't work either..
Yah, I'll bet that doesnt.


secret_lade 47F
7274 posts
5/17/2021 5:01 pm

    Quoting 69ereatwetpussy:
    STOP
    We may not know each other personal
    I've read enough to know
    You are far from a Horrible Person
    Your avery Caring Person
    This is way you return to the seen of the crime.
    You hope things change
    People don't change
    You can't change people unless they what to change.
    So you thought after all this time thing could be different
    You found out not let go tell them that.
    Tell them that are not part of your life
    You had enough ..
    Today a new day for yourself.
    Be the happy person I know you are. XOXO......
Yes, today is a new day and time for a fresh start. I do need to keep moving forward, it's hard sometimes, though. The lure of the familiar is so tempting.


secret_lade 47F
7274 posts
5/17/2021 4:52 pm

    Quoting Blueyedguy823:
    Keep picking that scab it will never heal. I get bitten by the nostalgia bug now and then. I have a hard time separating nostalgia from curiosity. Am I curious as to how they are doing? Or am I trying to fill an emotional gap? I never know. What always take away is that what I have imagined in my head is far more pleasant than the actual reality.

    You should have the resolve that there is a reason why you're not with that person. There's a reason why they are in your past. Missing someone from a past relationship doesnt mean it will be better the next time you see them.
Part of me is hopeful that things will be different, and they never are. It doesn't matter how much time has passed.... Nothing is ever different. You are right, there is a reason why that person is in the past, I need to just learn to leave it there.


secret_lade 47F
7274 posts
5/17/2021 4:48 pm

    Quoting CL_Love:
    Have been glutton for punishment myself in this way. Talking to long lost friends in a way that makes all the pain of the loss since feel more raw. I need to just ignore or block them, but in my own warped way...I still care about them and I can't bring myself to seal the door shut. Sending you (((HUGS)))
It's hard when they were a big part of your past life. For me, I miss the ability to just be myself, good bad and ugly. I miss the feeling of having that partner in crime.


CL_Love 48M/47F
156 posts
5/17/2021 12:02 pm

Have been glutton for punishment myself in this way. Talking to long lost friends in a way that makes all the pain of the loss since feel more raw. I need to just ignore or block them, but in my own warped way...I still care about them and I can't bring myself to seal the door shut. Sending you (((HUGS)))


Blueyedguy823 54M  
836 posts
5/17/2021 5:59 am

Keep picking that scab it will never heal. I get bitten by the nostalgia bug now and then. I have a hard time separating nostalgia from curiosity. Am I curious as to how they are doing? Or am I trying to fill an emotional gap? I never know. What always take away is that what I have imagined in my head is far more pleasant than the actual reality.

You should have the resolve that there is a reason why you're not with that person. There's a reason why they are in your past. Missing someone from a past relationship doesnt mean it will be better the next time you see them.


69ereatwetpussy 58M
5205 posts
5/17/2021 3:57 am

STOP
We may not know each other personal
I've read enough to know
You are far from a Horrible Person
Your avery Caring Person
This is way you return to the seen of the crime.
You hope things change
People don't change
You can't change people unless they what to change.
So you thought after all this time thing could be different
You found out not let go tell them that.
Tell them that are not part of your life
You had enough ..
Today a new day for yourself.
Be the happy person I know you are. XOXO......


sweet0necter 47F  
2029 posts
5/16/2021 10:41 pm

I have a friend who tells me to stop being such a dipshit.. that doesn't work either..


secret_lade 47F
7274 posts
5/16/2021 2:03 pm

    Quoting SweetMysterie:
    I think we are hard-wired to seek comfort in familiarity. It doesn't help that our memories are clouded by strong emotions. You're not alone in opening wounds from the past. Allow yourself to feel the pain from the newly opened wound, then give yourself some grace to start a new day tomorrow.
If anything, this situation reminds me why he is not part of my present.


secret_lade 47F
7274 posts
5/16/2021 2:00 pm

    Quoting johnjuan40:
    Maybe you are just an eternal optimist. And you see the best in this man and you want to believe that it can work. Im sorry it ended up feeling bad but you tried to check in with him. Most people dont change much.....
In the 10 years I've known him, he hasn't changed at all. I've continued to move forward and improve...


secret_lade 47F
7274 posts
5/16/2021 1:55 pm

    Quoting Pleasureinc:
    Hang in there. Been there and done that, as have many others. Clarity will come in the quiet time, and then you will be better for the experience.
I will patiently wait for the clarity.


secret_lade 47F
7274 posts
5/16/2021 1:51 pm

    Quoting Mark61Smith:
    I really think our funky feelings are due to the isolation from this so called pandemic. Get outside do something with you hands. Plant something and watch it grow.
    Happy Trails
I can't really blame it on isolation, I've been working with the public through all of the pandemic. Getting out and doing stuff does help.


secret_lade 47F
7274 posts
5/16/2021 1:50 pm

    Quoting benard69:
    We live and crave the hugs and giggles..But it seems to be the tears we remember the most...Sometimes lifes a bitch..
Sometimes it is...


secret_lade 47F
7274 posts
5/16/2021 1:49 pm

thank you


secret_lade 47F
7274 posts
5/16/2021 1:48 pm

    Quoting pagancountrygirl:
    Obviously there are some good things about the Hippie...things you like...or you wouldn't keep thinking of him, wanting to talk to him. But then the parts you don't like are brought back into focus when you do see each other again. If he wasn't interested in seeing you as well, I don't think he would meet you.
You are right, if he wasn't interested in seeing me, he wouldn't have met me. For a long time, he was my partner in crime...


secret_lade 47F
7274 posts
5/16/2021 1:45 pm

    Quoting  :

I just wish I didn't feel disappointment each time I realize nothing has changed.


secret_lade 47F
7274 posts
5/16/2021 1:43 pm

    Quoting jajo696:
    Remember this my girl: As long as there is life, there is hope. Hope that things will change, hope that people will become different.

    Nope....not a horrible, rotten person at all. You just revisted and proved your re alive as your hope has not left you.

    The wounds...ahh well....we always get em....and we have remarkable reparative properties, we heal around the wounds somehow.

    Just like your lip...pretty soon it too will repair.
    Huggssss ~~
Thank you, I needed to hear this. You're right.... Deep down, I hope for a lot of things.


secret_lade 47F
7274 posts
5/16/2021 1:38 pm

    Quoting CUMHANDLEME:
    I understand this insanity well. I think the stay at home orders are creating isolation and loneliness which pushes us to reconnect with the familiar, enough if that's not the smartest decision. Don't beat yourself up too badly.
It felt kind of nice to spend time with someone who knows all about me, the good and bad.


secret_lade 47F
7274 posts
5/16/2021 1:30 pm

    Quoting mc_justmc:
    When I'm catching up with someone from my past and all those sick feelings start coming back, I appreciate the reminders that keeps me looking forward.
I've often said to others.... They're an ex for a reason. I need to be listening to my own advice.


secret_lade 47F
7274 posts
5/16/2021 1:27 pm

    Quoting Love_My_Toys:
    I'm reminded of a line from Stephen King's "Pet Semetary"...

    "Sometimes, dead is better."
You know... I have to agree. Sometimes dead is better dead.


secret_lade 47F
7274 posts
5/16/2021 1:26 pm

    Quoting citizen4722:
    I'm sorry the wound still hasn't healed after 10 years
Sometimes, it doesn't matter how much time passes, people remain the same.


secret_lade 47F
7274 posts
5/16/2021 1:24 pm

I have a lot that is changing in my life right now. Maybe deep down, I was seeking out something unchanged, and familiar.


citizen4722 63M  
71645 posts
5/16/2021 1:15 pm

I'm sorry the wound still hasn't healed after 10 years


naughtyultimate1 59M  

5/16/2021 12:26 pm

covid has made us all a bit stir crazy


Love_My_Toys 58M  
827 posts
5/16/2021 10:36 am

I'm reminded of a line from Stephen King's "Pet Semetary"...

"Sometimes, dead is better."


mc_justmc 61M
6621 posts
5/16/2021 9:44 am

When I'm catching up with someone from my past and all those sick feelings start coming back, I appreciate the reminders that keeps me looking forward.


CUMHANDLEME 58F  
698 posts
5/16/2021 9:35 am

I understand this insanity well. I think the stay at home orders are creating isolation and loneliness which pushes us to reconnect with the familiar, enough if that's not the smartest decision. Don't beat yourself up too badly.

Do you have any Primal Urges ... I do, please CUMHANDLEME and explore some of my naughty and nice Primal ... Urges with me !!!


jajo696 66F
3414 posts
5/16/2021 9:20 am

Remember this my girl: As long as there is life, there is hope. Hope that things will change, hope that people will become different.

Nope....not a horrible, rotten person at all. You just revisted and proved your re alive as your hope has not left you.

The wounds...ahh well....we always get em....and we have remarkable reparative properties, we heal around the wounds somehow.

Just like your lip...pretty soon it too will repair.
Huggssss ~~


pagancountrygirl 63F
5790 posts
5/16/2021 8:12 am

Obviously there are some good things about the Hippie...things you like...or you wouldn't keep thinking of him, wanting to talk to him. But then the parts you don't like are brought back into focus when you do see each other again. If he wasn't interested in seeing you as well, I don't think he would meet you.

Pagan
Hmmmm....I know I left that wand around here somewhere!


upsidedownsky 41M  
501 posts
5/16/2021 7:39 am

Sending love and light. Take care.

*. *. *


fwblook4unow 41M
121 posts
5/16/2021 7:24 am

Did you do more than talk Secret_lade? You deserve a guy that treats you right😘


benard69 63M/63F  
5913 posts
5/16/2021 6:59 am

We live and crave the hugs and giggles..But it seems to be the tears we remember the most...Sometimes lifes a bitch..


Mark61Smith 60M  
84 posts
5/16/2021 6:45 am

I really think our funky feelings are due to the isolation from this so called pandemic. Get outside do something with you hands. Plant something and watch it grow.
Happy Trails


Pleasureinc 57M  
1753 posts
5/16/2021 6:37 am

Hang in there. Been there and done that, as have many others. Clarity will come in the quiet time, and then you will be better for the experience.


BDaddys 55M  
341 posts
5/16/2021 6:32 am

You're not rotten or horrible, just a human being x


johnjuan40 62M
40 posts
5/16/2021 6:25 am

Maybe you are just an eternal optimist. And you see the best in this man and you want to believe that it can work. Im sorry it ended up feeling bad but you tried to check in with him. Most people dont change much.....


SweetMysterie 48F
3586 posts
5/16/2021 5:55 am

I think we are hard-wired to seek comfort in familiarity. It doesn't help that our memories are clouded by strong emotions. You're not alone in opening wounds from the past. Allow yourself to feel the pain from the newly opened wound, then give yourself some grace to start a new day tomorrow.



“As with the butterfly, adversity is necessary to build character in people.” ~ JB Wirthlin



secret_lade 47F
7274 posts
5/16/2021 5:00 am

You know the feeling you get...

When the tears spring to your eyes as you bite your lip in the same spot for the 9 millionth time...

And you say to yourself, why in the FUCK do I keep doing this to myself??

That seems to be my life these days.

Constantly revisiting all those sore spots and reopening those wounds.

I saw the Hippie last weekend when I was in Petoskey....

I reopened that wound.

I had been feeling nostalgic, the 10 year anniversary of the first time we met was coming up and I just needed to talk.

We'd had lunch and it was like old times.... talking and laughing.

Also like old times were the conspiracy laden angry texts afterward about how much he hates his family, the world, and the end of life as we know it.

Just like that, those tears sprang to my eyes as I bit my lip in the exact same spot for the 9 millionth time.

Oh My Fucking God! Why do I keep doing this to myself??

I'm a horrible, rotten person to boot cause I revisited that old, bad situation and pulled off that scab for someone else as well.


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